Odd Conversations from the MHHQ
by GundamWingFanatic90
Summary: Random conversations overheard during a stay at the Maverick Hunters' Headquarters. NO YAOI. Rated G. First five are up, and were written while on cough medicine, sleep deprivation, and 'Whose Line is it Anyway'. Chapter 17 up.
1. What the?

_**Disclaimer: I don't own. And please don't ask.**_

_**I was doped up on cough medicine when I wrote this at 1:00 in the morning after watching too much 'Whose Line is it, Anyway?'. It has no point whatsoever. Just for those people out there who care, no animals-**_

_**Zero: -elbows Fanatic in ribs-**_

_**--cough, hack- Excuse me, -cough- REPLOIDS, were harmed in the writing of this fic.**__** And there is no yaoi in here. Think what you will, but there IS NO YAOI present in this fic. Just good old friendshippy randomness.**_

…_**And if anyone cares or asks, I blame the cough medicine.

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**_

_**What the…?  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 2-22-08.  
**__**Time: 10 Minutes.

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**_

"X! What in the world-?!"

"Uh, wait, this isn't what it looks like!"

"How could you?! I thought we had something more between us!"

"Well, how was I supposed to know that you wanted that kind?"

"You're hopeless!"

"You're the one who didn't tell me what you wanted, Zero! Don't blame me!"

"Just one thing, X! All I wanted was that one thing!"

"Look, Zero, we've known each other for years. Let's just let this be a learning experience."

"Exactly, X! We _have_ known each other for years! That is exactly why-!"

"Well, how the heck was I supposed to know you were a chocoholic? You always struck me as a vanilla or strawberry type."

"…And I say again, you're hopeless!"

"You go shopping for your own ice cream, then, and I'll worry about mine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Well, so much for movie night."

"…Yeah."

"…So, you wanna watch 'The Fog', now?"

"…Bring it on."

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_**FIN.

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**_

…_**Again, I blame the cough medicine. Please review. Let the decrepit sick person know how they did.**_

_**NO YAOI.**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	2. Stick What Where?

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for a blue gel pen, a PS2, and a copy of Megaman X8. Please don't ask about my sanity. It was rather heartbreaking when it left me.**_

_**I wrote this at the same time that I wrote **__**What the…?**__** And again, no REPLOIDS were harmed or otherwise made invalid in the writing of this fic. **__**And there is NO YAOI present, despite what SOME people might think.**_

_**Zero: -nods in agreement-**_

_**Thank you.**_

…_**And again, I blame the cough medicine and week's worth of insomnia.

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**_

_**Stick What Where?  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 2-22-08.  
**__**Time: 10 minutes.

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**_

"Okay, so that thing comes out like this…"

"Yeah, that's right."

"…And then I do this?"

"Ah! No, I think you have to put it into that hole, there."

"What?!"

"Yeah, put it in the hole."

"You can't be serious! It'll never fit!"

"X, would you trust me on this?"

"But Zero-!"

"X, listen to me."

"…"

"The thing looks like it's too big, but it'll be a perfect fit."

"How do you know?"

"I don't, actually. This is my first time doing something like this."

"Then how do you know we're doing it right?!"

"Just trust me, this is how it's supposed to work."

"But-!"

"X, X, X… Have I ever steered you wrong before?"

"Well, there _was_ that one time at the charity ball-!"

"Don't finish that sentence."

"…"

"…"

"…So I just insert this end of the pipe here and twist to seal, then?"

"That's what this 'DIY Plumbing' handbook is telling me."

"What?! You know those things can't be trusted!"

"Do you have any better sources?"

"…"

"Didn't think so. Start twisting."

"…You're mean…"

"Deal with it."

"Love you, too, pal. Love you, too."

* * *

_**FIN.

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**_

…_**Trust me, it's better not to know. **__**Please feed the sleep-deprived invalid sick person so that they can get better…?**_

_**Zero: Fanatic's asking that you review.**_

…_**They could've figured that out for themselves, Zero.**_

_**...NO YAOI!**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	3. And that is?

_**Disclaimer: I no own, you no sue, Zero picks up doggy poo! -giggle-**_

_**Zero: WHA-?! I do not!**_

_**Yeah, you do. You know you do. Ahem. There is NO YAOI in this fic, and this was written shortly after the other two conversations.**_

…_**Again, I blame the cough medicine.

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**_

_**And that is…?  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 2-22-08.  
**__**Time: 15 minutes.

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**_

"Zero?"

"Hmm?"

"_What,_ in the name of all that is holy, _is_ _that_?"

"This?"

"Yes, that!"

"You mean this? This slimy green-and-white thing that's threatening to crawl up my leg and eat my artificial stomach?"

"No, I mean that feathery red thing on the sofa. Of course I mean that slimy green-and-white thing that's threatening to crawl up _my _leg and eat _my_ artificial stomach!"

"Huh? I have a feathery red thing on my sofa?"

"No, you dummy! I was being sarcastic!"

"Oh. Well, you could've told me that."

"That's beside the point!"

"Then what is your point?"

"My point is that you need to answer my question before that… that… THING… eats you alive!"

"What question?"

"_What,_ in the name of all that is holy, _is that thing on your foot?!_"

"Oh. That would be my lucky sock."

"……Lucky _sock?!_"

"Yeah. My lucky sock. I wear it everywhere."

"…Don't you ever _wash_ it?!"

"Of course not! What kind of absurd idea is that?"

"It's a rational idea!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes, it is! Now give me that sock!"

"No! Go get your own! …Hey! What're you doing?! Get off!"

"Not until I get that sock!"

"Oi! Let go of my foot!"

"Give me that sock, Zero!"

"Let go! I'm gonna fall-!"

"Augh!"

"Ouch!"

"Aha! Triumph at last! It's off to the wash with you, you little green devil!"

"_What?!_ NO!"

"There!"

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SOCKYYYYYYY!_"

"…Are you _quite_ finished?"

"…"

"…Zero?"

"…"

"Aww, come on, Z, I was just looking out for your well-being…"

"…I hate you, X."

"You don't mean that."

"I'm never speaking to you again."

"Zero, you know Socky's in a better place, now…"

"…"

"…Okay, fine. Hate me, then."

"Glad you agree."

"You just spoke to me."

"…Shut up."

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_**FIN.

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**_

…_**It's all the cough medicine's fault. Please review so I can get better.**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	4. Who's Your Daddy?

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing save for the cold currently residing in my throat and lungs.**_

…_**And I blame this one, too, on the cough medicine. -cough, cough, hack-

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**_

_**Who's Your Daddy?  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 2-22-08.  
**__**Time: 10 minutes.

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**_

"Hey, X?"

"What's up, Zero?"

"You know who your dad is, right?"

"…Yeah."

"And Axl knows who his dad is, right?"

"I'd guess so. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason."

"…Okay."

"…"

"…"

"…Do you think Alia knows who her dad is?"

"…Probably. Zero, what are you getting at?"

"X, will you be my dad?"

"…"

"…What? It's an honest question."

"Zero, what are you _on?_"

"Nothing."

"_Nothing?_"

"Nothing. Honest."

"Then _why,_ in the name of all that is holy, did you _ask_ me that?"

"Because you're called the father of all reploids, and I don't know who my dad is…"

"…So you were wondering if, since I am called the father of all reploids and you don't know who your dad is, I could be your father?"

"Yeah."

"…Zero?"

"Yeah?"

"Take two steps back and take a deep breath."

"..."

"Good. Now close your eyes and think really, really hard. Do you really want me as your father?"

"…"

"…Well?"

"I think you'd make a great dad."

"…Now think really, really hard of all the reasons that I _shouldn't_ be your father. Then count to ten for every reason you think up."

"Okay."

"Now, you do that. I'll just be over here getting some lunch…"

"…"

"…"

"…X? X? Hey, where'd you go?"

"…"

"…_X!_"

* * *

_**FIN.

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**_

_**Definitely the influence of the cough medicine. Please feed the sick cripple.**_

_**Zero: -facepalm- Please review…**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	5. Are Those Shadows Talking?

_**Disclaimer: The cough is being a vengeful mistress, and the cough medicine is not helping matters. I blame them.

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**_

_**Are Those Shadows Talking?  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 2-22-08.  
**__**Time: 10 minutes.

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**_

"Hey, Zero."

"Hey, X."

"How are you doing this morning?"

"Excellent. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the Mavericks aren't attacking… What more could one ask for?"

"Not much, that's for sure."

"So true. So how are you?"

"I'm fine, if a little disturbed."

"…Disturbed? How so?"

"I thought I saw a pair of shadows talking to each other on my way here."

"Shadows?"

"Yeah, shadows. Like the ones that little kids make on the walls."

"Shadows like the ones that little kids make on the walls."

"Shadows like the ones that little kids make on the walls, yes."

"…And yesterday _you_ were asking _me_ if _I_ was on something?"

"I'm serious, Zero!"

"Of course you are. Now, what did these shadows look like?"

"Well, one was shaped like a monster-shaped blob, and the other was shaped like a duck-shaped blob."

"Wow, that's pretty descriptive for a pair of blobs."

"Well, that's what they looked like!"

"Okay, okay, don't bite my head off. Now, what did these shadows say?"

"I think that monster-blob was saying something about eating duck-blob, and then duck-blob said something about not tasting good to monster-blob… Zero? Where're you going?"

"To find those blob-shadows."

"…Oh."

"You wait here. I'll be back in a minute."

"No way! You're going to leave me here!"

"No, I'm not. I wouldn't sink _that_ low."

"…Touché…"

* * *

_**FIN.

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**_

_**It was the ineffective cough medicine's fault. Not mine. But please review to help me feel better nonetheless!**_

_**Zero: At least you picked on X this time instead of me...**_

_**Quiet, you.**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	6. What Goes Up

_**Disclaimer: I no own, you no sue, Zero's hair's a mess of goo!**_

_**Zero: WHAT?! -grabs hair protectively- Oh, no you didn't!**_

_**Of course not. Again, I blame this on the medicines I'm taking for my current illness. No joke.

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**_

_**What Goes Up…  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 2-22-08.  
**__**Time: 15 minutes.

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**_

"…Do mine eyes deceive me? Are you _seriously_ putting a pail of water over that door?"

"Of course."

"You do realize how utterly juvenile that is, don't you? And besides, Signas'll never fall for it."

"That's the whole point, X. He'll expect something much more sophisticated than the ol' pail-o-water trick. Ol' Signy'll never know what hit 'im."

"Yeah, right. This has your name written all over it, Zero."

"Then he'll know just who to hunt down when he gets a bucket of slush down his neck."

"Oh, really? Who?"

"You, of course."

"_Me?!_"

"Yeah. He'll have to get you to tell him where I am."

"And what makes you think I'll tell him?"

"My point exactly."

"…_What?!_ Hey, that wasn't fair!"

"And since when has anything been fair?"

"You're supposed to be my friend, Zero! Friends don't get friends in trouble on purpose for the sake of a childish prank!"

"Ah, but I'm not your friend, am I?"

"…You're not? Since when?"

"Since I became your _best_ friend, all those long, tiring years ago."

"You're still my friend, though!"

"Yeah, your friend who's saved your life… What, three times, now?"

"…Why do you _always_ have to bring that up…?"

"Because otherwise you wouldn't do anything for me."

"…Jerk."

"You're welcome."

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_**FIN.

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**_

_**Again, I blame the cough medicine. It smells bad, it tastes nasty, it makes me write stuff like this… it's utterly evil. Please review so I don't have to take it anymore…?**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	7. Must Come Down

_**Disclaimer: Right now, I'm loopier than a Hot Wheels track. I don't own Megaman X or any related characters.**_

_**Zero: She doesn't own the Hot Wheels or their tracks, either.**_

_**Thank you, Captain Obvious. Again, I blame the cough medicine.

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**_

…_**Must Come Down.  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 2-22-08.  
**__**Time: 15 minutes.

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**_

"X! Help!"

"Wha-? What's going on, Zero?"

"It's Signas! He's on a manhunt!"

"…Let me guess."

"Just hide me!"

"…Your bucket-o-slush trick worked, didn't it?"

"A little too well, now help me!"

"And why should I?"

"Because I saved your life three times! _One_ of those times, I _died_ for your sake!"

"…"

"Come _on_, X!"

"…I'm not impressed, Zero."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?!"

"It _means_ that you're on your own for this one."

"_What?!_"

"Like I said."

"But X-!"

"No."

"But-!"

"No."

"Wouldja-!"

"No."

"C'mon-!"

"No, no, no, and no."

"Lemme talk, already!"

"No."

"X, you jerk!"

"You were first."

"And after I saved your butt all those times…!"

"Zero, my friend, there are a lot of things that I'd be willing to help you with. This, however, is not one of them."

"But I need somewhere to hide until the storm blows over!"

"…Try Axl. He might be more willing to be an accomplice."

"But Signas is right around the corner!"

"Better run, then."

"I hate you…!"

"You'll thank me later…"

* * *

_**FIN.

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**_

_**It's all that cough medicine's fault. -points finger- And it's Zero's fault for letting my mom force it down my throat.**_

_**Zero: You're an adult, for God's sake. You didn't have to take it if you didn't want to.**_

…_**Jerk.**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	8. You What?

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the poultry… and not even really those…**_

_**Zero: -nod, nod-

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**_

_**You What?  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 2-22-08.  
**__**Time: 20 minutes.

* * *

**_

"Come on, Axl, it's not so bad…"

"Says you!"

"But it's not! You'll see! It'll only last for a moment…"

"No it won't! You're only saying that to make me feel better!"

"No, I'm not! Come _on_, Axl, you've faced down _Sigma_, for Light's sake! You can take a little pain!"

"No WAY, X! You can't make me!"

"_Yes,_ I _can_, and I _will! _Now come _on!_"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes! Now _stop_ being so _juvenile,_ already, Axl!"

"But I don't wanna!"

"_Axl,_ just close your eyes if you're so scared!"

"I'm _not_ scared, though! I just don't want that… that… _thing_… in me!"

"It won't _last_ long, just long enough to-!"

"I _said_ I don't want it in me!"

"Okay, okay, don't flip out on me! Sheesh, you're acting like you're two!"

"I'm four, I'll have you know!"

"Then act your age!"

"I _am_ acting my age! Any sane four-year-old would act the same-!"

"_No_, they wouldn't! I wasn't afraid like this when I was four!"

"That's because you're _insane_, X! Just like Zero is!"

"Maybe you're just too chicken to admit that you're scared."

"Okay, I'm a chicken, then! I'll freely admit it! I'm a yellow-bellied chicken! Bwack, bwack, BWAGACK!!"

"…Axl?"

"What?"

"Don't ever, _ever_, do that again."

"Then don't let them stick that thing in me!"

"Will it help if I hold your hand?"

"No, you insensitive jerk!"

"I'm not an insensitive jerk. You're just saying that because I'm making you get a routine anti-virus injection."

"You're an insensitive jerk!"

"Aww, love you, too."

"…Okay, that was gross."

"What?"

"Don't say that again."

"What? What'd I say?"

"That you love me. I'm straight, X."

"So am I. I'm actually dating Alia. If you want confirmation on it, you can just ask her."

"Okay, I'll take your word for it."

"...See? Now that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"What wasn't?"

"The shot."

"What? What shot? They didn't do it, yet."

"Yes, they did. See?"

"…OH, FOR THE _LOVE_ OF _GOD!_ THEY _DID!_"

"…Axl? Axl, stop faking…"

"…"

"Axl…"

"…"

"Axl!"

"…"

"…Hey, uh, Lifesaver? Uh, yeah, I think he passed out…"

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_**FIN.

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**_

_**This one I can't quite blame on the cough medicine. This one came after watching 'Unaccompanied Minors' for the first time.**_

_**Zero: I now have an aversion to pine trees, according to Fanatic.**_

_**Duh.**_

_**Zero: Why, exactly?**_

_**Because I said so. Deal with it. Ahem. To the readers… Please review. The medicine is starting to help, but reviews do, too, and they also help me improve. Thank you so much!**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	9. Fluffy, White, and Wet?

_**Disclaimer: I'm getting better, but I still don't own anything…

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**_

_**Fluffy, White, and Wet…?  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 2-24-08.  
**__**Time: 10 minutes.

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**_

"Hey, X! Look at this!"

"Hm? What is it?"

"I don't know. It just fell onto my nose out of nowhere."

"Hey, it's melting!"

"What? Oh, it is!"

"Well, that stinks."

"Yeah. It was so pretty, too…"

"Hey, there's another!"

"Let's catch it!"

"And analyze it. I want to know what it is."

"Look at this! It's cold!"

"Cold, white, and wet. It must be snow."

"Snow? But you don't get snow in Japan this time of the year."

"Well, run a scan on it."

"Okay."

"…"

"…"

"…Well?"

"It's not snow."

"What? Your scanners must be malfunctioning, Z."

"They're telling me it's not snow."

"Then what is it?"

"My sensors are telling me that it contains various proteins, water, carbon, various fats, some bacteria, and a couple of carbohydrate sugars."

"…Whipped cream?"

"That's what it looks like."

"…How is whipped cream floating down from the sky to land on us?"

"Beats me."

"Hey. Look up there."

"Looks like someone's having a bit of fun."

"Maybe a little _too_ much fun. I guess that the summer heat got to them."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Let's move on before we get even more whipped cream on us."

"I couldn't agree more."

"…"

"…"

"Hey, Zero?"

"Yes, X?"

"Let's lock this away and never speak of it again."

"No problem."

"Thanks. Though the sight of Signas with a Cold-Whips mustache will haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life."

"I hear you there."

"You'll be joining me in therapy, then?"

"What else would I be doing?"

"…Destroying all whipped cream conglomerates around the globe?"

"Good idea, but I think I'd be hunted down and lynched if I did that."

"But you don't have to breathe, so it wouldn't affect you."

"If you're so eager, why don't _you_ do it?"

"…Point taken."

"Good."

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_**FIN.

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**_

_**That was fun. Please tell me how I did.**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	10. Rodentium

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the idea, which my sister gave me.**_

_**Zero: So technically, the sister owned it first.**_

_**Yeah. Life stinks.

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**_

_**Rodentium…  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 2-24-08.  
**__**Time: 15 minutes.

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**_

"…X…?"

"What is it, Alia?"

"What happened to you? And why is your voice all squeaky?"

"Oh. Well, earlier I ran into Zero…"

"I see."

"…And he said that he saw Axl inhaling helium in the training room with some rookies…"

"Let me guess. He said you two ought to try it."

"Yep. So Zero tried it yesterday, and then things went screwy."

"What happened?"

"His voice got all squeaky, and then I made the mistake of laughing at him."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No, but he got Douglas to somehow alter my voice synthesizers while I was asleep."

"So that would explain why you sound like a chipmunk on helium."

"Yep."

"That would also explain why you're down here in the infirmary."

"Yep. Speaking of which, why are you here?"

"Well, Palette decided that we should all take bets during the last Maverick insurrection… Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You made _bets_ during a _war?_ On _what_,exactly?"

"Just little things."

"Little things like _what?_"

"…Like on how quickly you were going to beat a Maverick General, or whether or not Zero was going to die again, or if Axl was going to get shot in the butt or not…"

"Those aren't little things, Alia. They're actually pretty serious."

"I know that! But you know that they are good subjects for betting!"

"That's not the point! …What did you bet, anyway?"

"…"

"…What?"

"Nothing. We bet stuff like beauty products, and the occasional money bet came along…"

"And?"

"…And…"

"…And…?"

"Well, Palette bet us that if you could beat that ice-controlling Maverick within the time it takes to comb Layer's hair, she would buy us each lunch the next day."

"…And what did the losers have to do?"

"…Thelosershadtoasktheircrushesondates!"

"…What? You said that too fast for even _my_ processor to pick up. And why are you blushing?"

"I _said_ that the losers had to ask their crushes on dates!"

"…Oh."

"'Oh' is right."

"…So, how does that explain why you're down here?"

"…"

"…Alia? Are you okay?"

"Yes! Yes, I'm fine!"

"…Did you just huff some helium, or something?"

"No!"

"Then why do you sound so squeaky? …And you called _me _a chipmunk on helium…"

"Um… Oh, is that Lifesaver calling? Coming! See you later, X!"

"…Bye, then…?"

"Bye!"

"…That was weird… I wonder why she was blushing so much…"

* * *

_**FIN.

* * *

**_

_**That one was kind of fun to write. Alia is amusing when she's flustered, and X is just so clueless…**_

_**Zero: That dork. Lemme go knock some sense into his thick titanium skull…**_

_**Now, now, be nice… And please, how did I do? Did I over-do it?**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	11. When Flora Attack

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even the pine trees… It's sad…

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**_

_**When Flora Attack…  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 2-24-08.  
**__**Time: 15 minutes.

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**_

"X! I'm going sledding, you wanna come?"

"Sure, just let me get my helmet on."

"Why're you wearing that sledding? You're not going to need it."

"You never know, Zero. Where are we going, anyway?"

"That park just outside of town. I've heard it has really good sledding hills."

"That one? It's got trees all over the place."

"Well, then we'll just have to find a slope without that many trees, then, won't we?"

"…I guess…"

"Stop looking at me so dubiously! Have I ever steered you wrong before?"

"Well, there _was_ that one time at the hot springs-!"

"Oh, get off it! You know you liked it."

"Your bad directions led me to the women's bathhouse area, you dolt!"

"The place didn't exactly have signs pointing the different areas out! How was I supposed to know that you were supposed to make two lefts and then a right instead of two rights and a left?"

"I ended up with a dented skull and two broken titanium bones because you steered me wrong!"

"But you still liked it."

"I deny that!"

"Deny all you want, X, but you can't tell me that you didn't come out of there without a nosebleed."

"I took a rock to the nose, Zero, and those women were stronger than one would think."

"That's b.s., X, and you know it. Ah, look, we're here."

"This is the hill you were talking about? And no, it's not b.s. It's perfectly rational."

"Yes, this is the hill I was talking about. And yes, it is b.s., and don't give me that talk about it being perfectly rational. No human could dent titanium with the force behind their throws, regardless of what they're throwing, and they certainly couldn't break your nose."

"Looks pretty clear except for the pines at the bottom. And Zero, half of the women there were Reploids. It's perfectly rational that they could break my nose."

"Whatever, X. Just get on and have fun."

"Sure, sure… I still blame yooooooouuuu…!"

"YEE-HAW! THIS IS MORE FUN THAN BLOWING UP _MAVERICKS_ IN THE _SIMULATORS!!_"

"OF COURSE IT IS!! …ZERO, WATCH OUT FOR THAT-!!"

"OW!"

"…Tree…"

"…Hey, X…?"

"You okay, Z?"

"…I have a pine needle up my nose…"

"I can see that."

"…And in my pants…"

"Ouch. …Zero, they're in your hair, too."

"_What?!_"

"They're in your hair."

"Get 'em off, get 'em off, _get 'em off!!_"

"Okay, okay, stop being such a baby…"

"…X…!"

"Shut up!"

"Hurry up…! They're going to ruin my hair!"

"No they're not, Zero. They're just plants."

"That's what they said about Optic Sunflower, remember?"

"Don't remind me. I still have nightmares about him meeting Sailor Moon and the Ginyu Squad and producing some kind of demented half-Reploid monstrosity…"

"…Where in God's name did you come up with _that?_"

"Like I said. My nightmares."

"…And I thought _I_ had issues…"

* * *

_**FIN.

* * *

**_

_**That was completely random, but I wanted to explain where Zero got his seemingly random fear of needle-shaped flora from.**_

_**Zero: Pines are evil…**_

_**It's okay, Zero. Go see Iris, she'll make it all better.**_

_**Zero: Ah, Iris! My little flower… no pun intended! -toddles off-**_

…_**Please review… -rubs forehead due to headache caused by Zero's seeming insanity-**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	12. Can't Live With 'Em

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing but a few pens, a couple pencils, a thousand or so original characters, and a sheet of paper.**_

_**Zero: Sorry about the single-chapter update, too. Fanatic'll get more chapters posted when the time constraints aren't so bad.**_

_**Couldn't have said it better, myself.

* * *

**_

_**Can't Live With 'Em…  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 2-26-08.  
**__**Time: 10 minutes.

* * *

**_

"Jeez, aren't there _any_ good candidates for the Presidency this year?"

"Nah. Either they want to make the country a Communist nation, or a Socialist nation, or they're going to make the illegal aliens legal as well as abortions and gay marriages."

"So it's Catch-22, then?"

"Yep."

"God, I _hate_ lose-lose situations."

"Me, too, X. Me, too."

"…Hey, Zero?"

"Yeah?"

"If Reploids could vote, who would you vote for?"

"Definitely not the liberals; they'd cut our funding. Maybe that one guy in the other party, that unpopular dude…"

"The third-party runner?"

"Yeah, him."

"Why?"

"'Cause the mainstream candidates suck just as bad as him. I figure that since they're all going to deliver this country to hell in a hand basket, then why not vote for the underdog?"

"Hmm. I'd vote for that right-wing party candidate who thinks he's out of the running."

"I thought we were talking non-runners-up, here."

"Well, that's who I'd vote for."

"Hn."

"What? He's the only sane one out of all the possible candidates. The others all regularly contradict themselves."

"That's true."

"Yeah, like that female applicant. She's had more mood swings in three days than a normal woman does in seven of a month."

"X, there _are_ people around here, you know."

"So what, Zero? This is a free country. We _do_ have freedom of speech, you know."

"Maybe so, but you're still gathering a few pretty potent glares, here…"

"Again, I ask: So what? I'm only talking to you, and I _am_ telling the truth. In one speech she said she was honored to be there alongside the male candidate, and the next day's speech saw her slandering him left and right!"

"X, they may contradict themselves a lot, but these liberals _are_ promising to change things."

"Zero, you and I both know that politicians, as a general rule, are corrupt. They say whatever they need to to gain power, and then they use it to their own ends."

"The Global United Nations is a good example of that, I'll admit. Anyway, back to my original point. Aren't there any good candidates this year?"

"…Uh, Zero?"

"Hmm?"

"Those girls are looking rather homicidal…"

"That would be because of your liberal dressing-down of the liberals, X."

"Uh, okay…"

"…"

"…Uh, Zero? I'm gonna run, now."

"You do that, X."

"Bye! …By the way! The Conservatives would win if the woman didn't cry every time a major debate or election came up!"

"I _know_, X!"

"See you…!"

"Take care! I'll see you next fall!"

"…"

"…Note to self: Teach X some political discretion…"

* * *

_**FIN.

* * *

**_

_**Not too funny this time, I'm afraid, but I just had to poke fun at the political events of the current time.**_

_**Zero: And Fanatic's political standpoint should be perfectly clear by now. If you couldn't derive from that dialogue that Fanatic thinks that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are morons-that-need-to-be-taken-out-and-shot, then you should probably re-read the chapter.**_

_**Yes, Zero. Thank you for that clarification. To the readers, please know that though this is my political perspective, this in no way should affect the rest of my fic. Please note that the Republicans got bashed as much as the Democrats did, and I even threw in some Green Party to boot.**_

_**Please review! Flames are accepted for this chapter!**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	13. Charades

_**Disclaimer: I only own a recently-cashed paycheck, a few notebooks, a few dozen sheaves of paper, a bajillion pens, and about a million pencils. And you, lawyers, are NOT taking my graduation money from me.**_

_**Zero: Yes, Fanatic finally graduated from high school. After… how many tries was it?**_

_**You don't wanna know.**_

* * *

_**Charades…  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 3-14-08.  
**__**Time: 10 minutes.**_

* * *

"X! Look! What am I?"

"I dunno. Are you a duck?"

"…"

"Okay… three words?"

"…"

"First word. Red? No, a- yes, red?"

"…"

"Second word? Um, a bunny?"

"…!!"

"Okay, okay, don't get mad at me! Is it a bull?"

"…?!"

"Okay, so not a bull. Dog? Cat? Devil?"

"!!"

"Red devil? Okay, then. What? Third word?"

"!"

"Alright. Four letters… What're you pointing to?"

"!"

"…Zero?"

"Yes!"

"You're not supposed to talk!"

"But you got it!"

"…Red Devil Zero?"

"Yes! That's what the rookies are calling me!"

"…And that's a good thing _how?_"

"It's a fearsome alias! It shall strike fear into the hearts of Mavericks everywhere!"

"…Okay…?"

"Well, it sounds cooler than _your_ nickname."

"…Do I even _want_ to know what you're talking about?"

"Well, there're several options to pick from."

"…Alright, what are they?"

"'Blueberry'."

"God help me."

"'Daddy-o-Indigo'."

"…"

"'Lover-Boy'."

"What the _hell?!_"

"Wow, I didn't know you knew any curse words."

"I've picked up plenty over the years. I just don't use them."

"Hmm. Here's another: 'Baby Blue'."

"What?!"

"Some of the girls were calling you that. 'The Blue Bomber'."

"Well, that one's okay."

"'The Blue Demon'."

"Why 'Demon'?"

"Don't know."

"Any more?"

"Yeah, but they're not for mixed company."

"…Oh, dear…"

"No kidding."

"Zero?"

"Yeah?"

"Please don't encourage them."

"Wha-? Why would I _encourage_ them?"

"Because you're Zero, that's why."

"Ouch."

"Deal with it."

"Ouch."

* * *

_**FIN.**_

* * *

_**I rather enjoyed that one. Unfortunately, I ended up losing it for, like, three months before finally finding it buried in the pit beneath my bed.**_

_**Zero: You really don't want to look under there. -shudders- It was TERRIBLE.**_

_**Yeah, that's where all my plot bunnies go when they're trying to sneak in to eat my brain at night. They like to mingle with the dust bunnies. It's like an inorganic-bunny-prom, or something. Ick.**_

_**Anyways, please review. It helps me to get better at writing. But please don't flame me for the long wait, it really wasn't my fault, and usually I'm pretty good about updating.**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	14. Vanity?

_**Disclaimer: -Fanatic jumps into room, dressed in a tunic and breeches and waving around a flaming torch- Back, lawyers! Be gone, ye fell beasts! This fair series be mine no more than the sun in the sky and the fish in the glitt'ring depths!**_

_**Zero: -hides face in shame- Fanatic means to say that no one but Capcom owns the Megaman franchise. …Hey! That means I'm someone's property, too! Oi! Lawyers! I want out!**_

_**Agree with thee, I do, fair Zero! Alas, now these much-interested readers have the chance to lose their minds to thy gentle hypnotism yet again, o fair one!**_

* * *

_**Vanity…?  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 5-8-08.  
**__**Time: 10 minutes.**_

* * *

"Zero, what are you doing?"

"Nothing!"

"…You were looking in the mirror again, weren't you?"

"No!"

"Admit it, it's better for your health."

"I was _not _looking in the mirror again!"

"Okay, then. Say you weren't. What were you doing, then?"

"I was observing!"

"Observing what?"

"The other people."

"…'The other people'?"

"Yeah! It's surprising what people will do when they think you aren't looking."

"ACHOO!"

"…Bless you…?"

"Ugh… Zero, I'm sorry, but I think I'm allergic to b.s."

"Hey! It wasn't b.s., and you've done worse things, Axl!"

"Oh yeah? Name one."

"What about that time you morphed into that girl and tried to trick Signas into swimming in the koi pond?"

"That was a necessary evil."

"How so?"

"I had money riding on that. Needless to say, it was quite successful."

"Maybe so, but it was still worse."

"Of course it wasn't. I didn't check myself in a mirror beforehand."

"That's because you _copied_ the chick! You didn't _have_ to look in a mirror to see if you looked all right!"

"That's beside the point. As I was saying, name a situation relevant to the original challenge."

"…"

"That's what I thought."

"You're as bad as X is."

"At what?"

"About nagging and teasing me about my habits."

"Maybe so."

"Definitely so."

"Says you."

"Of course. And I'm always right."

"No, you're not. Now come on, you overgrown peacock. X is waiting for you in the lobby downstairs."

"What?! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Because you would've run off to blow up Mavericks before I could annoy you, that's why. By the way, did you realize that your armor's been turned pink?"

"Just shut up and come on, girly boy!"

"'Girly boy'?! Why, I oughta-ACK!"

"Hurry up!"

"Aagh! Not the hair!"

"…"

"What? It hurts."

"And you called _me_ vain…"

"Pipe down, peacock."

"Girly boy."

"Blondie."

"Pipsqueak."

"Tall freak."

"…"

"…"

"…Let's go find X."

"…Good idea."

* * *

_**FIN.**_

* * *

_**I can't remember what spawned this madness… Zero, my beloved minion, thou must save me from mine insanity!**_

_**Zero: Alright. You've got two strikes already. Don't push it.**_

_**Thou woundest me with thine hurtful words!**_

_**Zero: Shut up and chase off those lawyers! -to readers- Please review… Get Fanatic to stop ranting like a Shakespearean actor!**_

_**BACK, FIENDS!! -brandishes torch at lawyers, who hiss and shy away-**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	15. Reading What?

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot. And feel free to ask, this time.**_

_**Zero: Oh? What's changed from the last time?**_

_**I'm definitely not sick, anymore, that's what.**_

* * *

_**Reading What…?  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 5-29-08.  
**__**Time: 10 minutes.**_

* * *

"Hey, Zero. What are you up to?"

"Hey, yourself, Iris. I'm just reading."

"…"

"Why are you looking at me as though I just grew a second head? Is it really that far-fetched an idea?"

"I think that both X and I would agree with that statement."

"Well, get used to it, cause these books are addicting."

"Which series is it?"

"J.R.R. Tolkien's books. The Silmarillion, The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings… It's a fascinating and brilliant work of fantasy for someone who lived through the 1900s."

"Wow, I never figured you as a fantasy reader."

"I never was."

"What got you started?"

"X had on one of those ridiculous audio-books he's so fond of. Of course, I heard it, and so did Alia, so now I'm reading 'em and Alia and X want to meet on Tuesday to compare notes."

"Oh. Mind if I join you, then?"

"Sure, but I only have one book."

"Read it out loud."

"You sure? It really is kind of far-fetched, even for a fantasy novel."

"Why wouldn't I like it?"

"Some of the bad guys are so-called gods, some of the good guys are immortal and talk to trees, and the henchmen are orcs."

"What are these 'orcs'?"

"Nasty little buggers that smell horrible, have bad teeth, and have the disposition of a hacked-off Rottweiler on crack, if you catch my drift."

"Nice people, huh?"

"Really? You don't say."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I just had a totally random and related thought."

"What was it?"

"I think I know why orcs are such nasty little buggers, as well as why they bleed black."

"Why's that?"

"They've all got a chronic, non-fatal case of cerebral malaria."

"…"

"…"

"…Okay, that was totally random, even for you, love."

"Maybe so, but you love me anyway."

"Lucky for you."

"Oh, yes, what _would_ I do without you?"

"Get yourself killed, that's what."

"Ouch, that hurts."

"Grow a skin, then, love."

"Thanks a lot, Iris."

"I try."

* * *

_**FIN.**_

* * *

_**That fic was spawned by a night of reading Silmarillion fanfics as well as re-reading a chapter of Peter Stark's **__**Last Breath**__** about cerebral malaria. One of the most prominent lines in the chapter is "His blood is black with malaria!"**_

_**Zero: So how did you manage to make this link between the two?**_

_**-glares at Zero- Because orcs bleed black, that's how. Deal with it. On another note, please review. Flames are accepted, and will be read before being fed to Glaurung.**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	16. Poultry

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! This totally stinks!**_

_**Zero: Umm… Actually, I think that what you're smelling is actually yourself. You were working outside all day today…**_

_**What? Are you saying I smell? Jeez, and here I was thinking that that stench I've been smelling was the onions and garlic that mom was cooking with…**_

_**Zero: Okay, that's just gross...**_

* * *

_**Poultry…  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 8-11-08.  
**__**Time: 10 minutes.**_

* * *

"X? What is that?"

"Mfmm?"

"…! Is that a… a turkey leg?!"

"…Fmmfmmfmfm?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full!"

"…Okay. What do you want, Axl?"

"I want a turkey leg, you turkey!"

"…What?!"

"Oops. That came out wrong."

"I'll say."

"What I meant was that I would like to know where you got that."

"Do you want the location by itself, or do you want to know the price and the like, as well?"

"That would be handy."

"I got this at the diner down the street for two hundred yen. You want one, it's coming out of your wallet."

"I never said it wouldn't!"

"Oh. Well, in that case, shouldn't you be going?"

"Well, how's it taste?"

"…Mmfmm?"

"That's not an answer!"

"I said, it's really good!"

"May I try a piece?"

"Get your own."

"Meanie!"

"Think of it this way: you'll get more food if you get your own."

"You're still mean!"

"Well, Axl, life is mean."

"And then we die?"

"It depends."

"That's how it is for humans."

"So true."

* * *

_**FIN.**_

* * *

_**I want a turkey leg…**_

_**Zero: …What the heck? At risk of sounding dull and retarded, What, in the name of all that is holy, spawned this?!**_

_**Did you just call X dull and retarded?**_

_**Zero: …Well, I didn't really mean the retarded part.**_

_**Ooh, I'm telling! You're gonna get B-U-S-T-E-D!!**_

_**Zero: Please review… And don't tell X!**_

_**-Fanatic**_


	17. Happy?

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not the movies I watch, nor the swear X uses, nor the characters I play with...**_

_**Zero: ...Do you realize exactly how wrong that just sounded?**_

_**...Shut up. You know I didn't mean it that way!**_

_**Zero: Whatever you say, Fanatic. Whatever you say...**_

_**Be quiet, you jerk. And Happy New Year, to everybody else!**_

_**Zero: Happy New Year, indeed.**_

_**Killjoy...**_

* * *

_**Happy...?  
**__**By GundamWingFanatic90.  
**__**Date: 12-31-08.  
**__**Time: 15 minutes.**_

* * *

"Hey, X! Guess what?"

"What?"

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!"

"ARGH! THAT WAS MY _EAR_, YOU SON OF A TURD BISCUIT!"

"Interesting swear. Now come on, you're missing the party!"

"Party? What party?"

"The New Year's party that I've been ranting about for almost three weeks, now!

"New Year's party that you've been ranting about for almost three weeks? Jeez, where've I been?"

"In the sewers and around the corner."

"Hey! That wasn't my fault!"

"You're right, it wasn't. It was your fault for coming back covered in shi-"

"Don't even _get_ me started on that time _you_ came home with dog crap on your boot, Zero!"

"Now _that_ really _wasn't_ my fault, and you know it!"

"Then don't even comment on the outcome of my missions!"

"Sigh... X, X, X, when will you ever learn?"

"...Okay, that was just creepy."

"Huh? How?"

"You totally sounded like Sigma for a second, there."

"..."

"...Don't ask."

"I'm guessing it's better not to know..."

"True."

"So, how about we go have some of that champagne?"

"Nah, it always goes up my nose. Sparkling grape juice sounds good, though. Or maybe some whiskey, if Axl brought it."

"Axl didn't bring any, this year."

"Aww..."

"_I_ did."

"..._Yes!_"

"Huh? You say something?"

"No, of course not. Let's go to that party before you wet yourself."

"I'm driving!"

"No way! You drive worse than those drunks out on the roads!"

"Do not! And you're one to talk! You drive like a gimp!"

"I drive better than you, you maniac! Now get out of my way!"

"Humph... Hey, watch out for that zoomer!"

"...Yikes! That was a close one."

"...I think I'm gonna go throw up, now... Blargh..."

"Agh! Not on the side of the speeder, Zero! ...Eww..."

"Ugh... Okay, that's it! You're _never_ driving me anywhere, again!"

"Suck it up and be a man!"

"Shut up! I'm more of a man than you are!"

"I'm not the one with the long, _blond_ hair, Z."

"It's not blond! It's more of a golden color."

"My point stands."

"And what point would that be?"

"That you look like a flippin' transvestite!"

"Hey! I take offense to that!"

"Don't complain to _me_. Maybe you should consider getting your hair cut?"

"Gasp! How could you even _suggest _such a thing?! Iris _loves_ my hair!"

"She loves to _braid_ your hair, Zero."

"...So?"

"Sigh... Point still stands."

"...I still don't get it, but whatever."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...So, can you think of any movies to go see after the party? I'll pay, as long as you bring Alia along."

"Why only if I bring Alia?"

"'Cause I'm bringing Iris, and I know that if she doesn't have another woman to talk to she'll talk _my_ audio receptors off."

"Okay."

"So? Any movies look good?"

"I have a few holovids back at my place that I've been meaning to watch."

"Such as?"

"Pathfinder, Doom, Indiana Jones, Soldier, Monty Python and the Holy Grail... Should I continue?"

"Indiana Jones sounds good."

"Indiana Jones it is, then."

* * *

_**FIN.**_

* * *

_**Recently I've been hyped up on Doom and Pathfinder.**_

_**Zero: Fanatic kind of has a thing for Karl Urban, you see...**_

_**Do not! Only my original characters do.**_

_**Zero: When you start talking in your sleep to the characters an actor plays, then you know you've got a problem.**_

_**Shut up...**_

_**Zero: But we still have to perform our ritual request for reviews.**_

_**Right. And sorry for the delay between chapters. I've been more than a little bit distracted, lately.**_

_**Zero: Yeah, college and other obsessions kind of tend to have that effect.**_

_**Quiet, you! It's not my fault that Karl Urban looks totally hot in a black jumpsuit with an assault rifle in his hands!**_

_**Zero: ...Okay. That was way too much information.**_

_**...Shut up.**_

_**-Fanatic**_


End file.
